I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
