Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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