My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
