If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
