I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
