I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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