Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do vagina's smell?
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she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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