You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
