Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
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He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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