There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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