the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
