He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
