She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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