10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
