My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
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I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
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Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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