ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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