Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
