dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
