The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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