i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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