sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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