hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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