first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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