Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
