you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
