I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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