So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
