Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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