Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
