just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
