We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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