8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
