Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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