I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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