I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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