I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My vagina is very pro this idea
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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