Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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