Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
