I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
FUCK WHALES
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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