Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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