If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
