The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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