Having a random hookup so left but love u
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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