ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
