i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
