he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
