Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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