go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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