Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
