So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
