man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
