she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
