Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
