my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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