you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
