i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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