Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Randomize
