lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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