it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
