My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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