I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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