okay pat passed out under dana's car
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
