before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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