you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
