you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
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I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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