6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
