Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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