you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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