Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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