ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
