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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize