and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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