i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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